still getting rid of [orchestra]

by Nicholas Deyoe (music), Clint McCallum (text)

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about

[VERSION B]

Performed by:
La Jolla Symphony, Steve Schick
Stephanie Aston, soprano; Leslie Leytham, mezzo-soprano

recorded live by Joe Kucera

www.lajollasymphony.com
www.stephanieaston.com
www.leslieleytham.com

lyrics

Text by Clint McCallum
http://clintophonics.com

Introduction “welcome back”
[orchestra]

1. Trauma/Birth
[Stephanie, Leslie, and orchestra]

Everything slowed down
and each explosive moment ballooned out in all directions
and violent gestures took on a delicate grace
and pain was something more than pain
and people faded from immediate memory
and everything was so very fragile
and there was no looking back.

stoic submission to this beautifully blunting submersion,
peace before the wistful nausea sets in,

before the emergence once again--


2. Learning/New Body New Mind
[Stephanie, Leslie, and orchestra]

not my fault it's not my
fault it's not my fault it's not my fault it's not
my fault it's it's it's not my fault not my fault it's not my it's not my
it's not my fault fault not my fault it's
not my fault not my fault it's not my fault it's not my fault it's not my will this...

not my fault it's not my it's not my it's not
my fault not my fault it's not my fault it's not my fault it's not my fault my fault it's not
it's not not my fault not my fault not not it's it's not my fault my my not my fault it's not my
fault it's not my fault it's not my fault it's not my fault it's not my fault
my fault my fault my fault fault fault fault fault it's not my fault will this...

...will this...

...will this...

will this not my fault is not is not my fault my fault is not
not my fault is not my fault it's not my fault
fault not my fault not my fault not my fault it's not my fault will this.

Interlude 2:
[Stephanie and orchestra]

fresh-rotten and lobotomized-musing,
new dilated gaze open through destitution:
welcome back.

3. Waiting/only death will cure you
[Stephanie, Leslie, and orchestra]

In false resignation like a tardy rescuer―
to stop nibbling my nails
for silence for the cure for someone else
to think about something else
for anyone else
to go outside to laugh again
for the future to look like it used to
to trust again to be totally blank
to stand motionless and stare stoic―
in powerless reserve.

Interlude 3:
[Leslie and orchestra]

fresh-rotten and lobotomized-musing,
new dilated gaze open through destitution:
welcome back.

4. Consecration
[Stephanie, Leslie, and orchestra]

To think the same thoughts without need of speech
and babble the same speech that you gave to me.
I give this to you,
I will this through a gesture extended into stagnation.
And now I look different.
And now you feel different:
your new wound, your new scar, my old images of you.
finally―
finally―
finally―
my turn to consecrate;
our union in the dusky wake of timeless moments separated by a branding iron.

credits

released February 16, 2012

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Nicholas Deyoe California

Composer, Conductor, and Guitarist living and working in Southern California.

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